Driftwood

Time passes
Days go by:
hours, minutes, moments
A piece of driftwood
afloat on a sea
of uncertainty
Time passes
and with each
hour, minute, moment
the uncertainty deepens
Faces fade into merging shapes
Voices tremble away
into dark silences
The edges of memory
soften
And I cant even remember
the smell of home...

Happy Times

Mountains...
rivers...
crimson and gold...
I dont even remember
if those were happy times,
anymore...

Silken soft

I close my eyes
and my mind falls away...
I swirl around an abyss;
a deep black darkness
envelops me
I lie suspended
between life and something else
and the cord that
I hang from-
that silken soft cord-
is about to give way

words are no longer easy

words no longer are easy
and I struggle;
everything I write...
smudges of black ink
on pure white;
a terrible fatigue
consumes me...
as if meaning has
somehow been lost;
as if nothing
could mean anything
anymore;
as if nothing
could be more futile...

Lebanon and terror in air...

So what role has the media really played in the present middle east conflict? Is it really that of a neutral, objective observer, reporting on the facts and providing its viewers/listeners/readers with the facts and nothing but the facts? Is neutral reporting even possible?

Anyway, this whole thing has been hugely depressing...I cant really bring myself to think about it...and as if things weren't already bad enough you had the alleged 'air terror plot'...is this ever going to end?

Omkara and fire

Really liked it...Saif is excellent, and the movie's really well done...not bad at all...so that decides that one :)

I dont believe its going to be almost three weeks since this whole business in lebanon started...our world is like a globe on fire with unconvincing and increasingly tenous pockets of green here and there...

Yet again...

Its been a while...yet again...stumbled across one blog last night...we were together at school some (gosh) ten years ago...that reminded me I had a blog as well and it could do with some updating...so here I am (not that I think I was being missed!)

Its been a really busy month or so...lots of things happening, at work and otherwise...we maybe moving to this new place, so busy with that and work just seems to be getting busier and busier...not that I mind that...better to have things to do than not...

Really want to see Omkara...might go catch it today...I am prepared to be disappointed but it might live up to the hype :) I know a couple of people who saw it and hated it...so as they say in this country, 'the jury's still out on that'.

Last night was actually more fun than I thought it would be...we had been invited for dinner at a friend's place and it turned out to be quite cool...ate, drank, listened to music, argued, danced...and finally got back around 2 in the morning...

My eyes are still a bit raw, and my head is still a bit heavy, but thats how it goes...

Its been a while...thats what life does to you..just carries you around without giving you time to think..and then when you pause to catch your breath you realise how much time has passed..how much you have gained, or lost...

But anyway...its been a busy few days...was away on some sort of a course..so couldnt really find time to write...

Its crazy... the idea of this blog was that I could write stuff that I can never bring myself to say to anyone, not even to myself..the idea was that because this is kinda anonymous, I could just write whatever...but I can't...

I am scared of putting into words thoughts that no one else knows...I dont know why I am scared...like I said I don't think anyone ever is going to read this..and that was the whole point...but I don't know...

Someone once called me an escapist, and I promptly brushed the comment off as unfair and obviously untrue. But I now think it was probably true all along...I hide...its my defence mechanism...I pretend it doesnt exist...whatever it is that I cant deal with...but you cant live your entire life like that, can you? You cant keep 'escaping' all your life...

Lord, seems like this blog is going to turn into the dairy I never wrote...but what the hey...

Had an awful awful time yesterday...it was supposed to be a fun trip, but there was an accident on the motorway, and we ended up where we started after about 10 hours on the road...terrible...

But thats life for you...

The thing is, its almost certain very few people, if any, will ever read this blog..and the thought is kind of sad but comforting and liberating at the same time...

So anyway, the other day I was walking down my street. It was kind of damp and wet and as I turned the familiar corner to the building I live in, I was stuck by thought that I have done this before and I'll probably do this again, and I could do this till the end of time and it wouldn't matter. Nothing that I am likely to do in my life is going to change anything, and even if it did, what would it matter...

So does any thing in this world really matter? In the ultimate analysis, is anything worth it?

So blog world here I am..this is my first post...and already I dont know what to write...isn't that just classic, vintage me...never quite sure of the whys and the whats...anyway, how do I start this...

The weather of course...I have decided to be more positive about the weather...and unless you live in a grey, gloomy, rainy country, where moaning about the weather is somewhat of a national obsession you wont quite understand the point...

So its grey and gloomy and rainy outside, but I remember a time when rains were fun, when we would wait and pray for a wet, wet day...when rains meant happiness and days off at school and endless cups of hot chai and pakoras...so i refuse to let all this talk about 'this miserable weather' get me down...

later...